he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
