the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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