what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
