STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
