If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
