i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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