What tipped you off? The sombrero?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
