My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
