i think i have two assholes
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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