I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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