in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
