is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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