my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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