Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
