you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
