wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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