Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
