My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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