just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
