You really coming over, don't trick.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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