dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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