so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
