i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
