I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
