you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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