It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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