Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
