Too much gin, very little bucket
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
