He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You work out of a Hotel?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
