He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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