The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
third nipple confirmed
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I need water and some morals
Randomize
