it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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