Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
