I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You made out with two different species that night
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
