i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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