Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
