your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
