she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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