Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
