i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
