my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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