she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You can't just leave with hair like that
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
