i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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