If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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