is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I could make wine with my vomit
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
