I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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