Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
