Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
