Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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