You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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