are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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