Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
