The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
