everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
